“. . It seems like only yesterday .”

I guess I haven’t been writing in this thing in a loooong time. Now that I have the time, you may or may not enjoy this one. So what? It’s gonna be a short quickie blog post about my tinkerings.

Anyway, I take the SAT in 2 months & I’m not even halfway ready for it. I’m kind of nervous about taking it. I just hope I make a high enough score to be elgible for the university I want to go to. The reading part is going to go off without a hitch. I’m a vocab wiz but the math part may take a minute to get used to.

Time has gone by soo fast.  The only thing I distinctly remember about my high school experience is being a freshman. That’s the only thing I can tell word for word, outfit for outfit, drama for drama. It was my most exciting year; I know they say during your freshman year you should buckle down & get ready for the big things.

My sophomore year was B O R I N G! Never again, will you hear me say I actually like my sophomore year. It’s just not cutting it. It was filled with nothing but drama for me. I admit some of it could have been avoided. I can also say that if people would have minded their damn business, they wouldn’t have to worry about me & my shit.

My junior year has just started. There’s not really time for me to sit back & enjoy it. This year is going to be filled with nothing but one major test after another. Major tests that you have to pass, in order to fulfill your destiny and goals. No pressure, right? I have a graduation test that we also have to pass in order to graduate.

We took a predictor test on it like last month. They just gave us the predictor for the two subjects the classes before us have had the hardest time passing which is : Science & Social Studies. Well, I had no problem with the science portion, which I kind of knew would happen anyway. It’s just that I’ve forgotten most of the Social Studies.

Bad apart about it is, that they DON’T go over again with you. Not even to refresh your memory. 

That’s some of that bull!

How can they expect us to pass a test & we don’t remember the information? I’ma just hope & pray that everything goes off without a hitch.

Shh! Keep your mouth closed.

I wa always taught to keep your mouth closed instead of opening it & proving yourself to be a bigger idiot than expected. I’ve started to practice what I preach from now on. I guess it’s because I feel as if I’ve matured over the past couple of months. Maybe thats what it was. Whatever it is, I like it. I’v changed from something bad to something good.

I am now christening the new Jameka [myy government.] as of September 28, 2009. I have to take a killer writing test that is apart of the GHSGT (Georgia High School Graduation Test) I have to take in March. It’s a integral part of that test; whether I graduate or not depends on this test & this test only. I’m in my zone. I have to admit. All work and no play, makes Meka a dull girl. So what? I need to focus; there’s plenty of time for play.

But today was an overall good day; you still have these old ass females wanting to act like children when both of them are already teenage mothers as is. You smile and ignore them because 9x out of 10, they’re not gonna make any moves to make something of themselves after high school. Despite the fact they have children, they still want to play around and fight. Its about time we stop all this nonsense and act like young adults.

We’re almost out of school and almost grown. Fighting is not gonna help anybody with anything. It’s just something people do to entertain themselves. But I don’t care about them talking smack, they can do that ALL day long. As long as they don’t touch me, we’re sooo good! Its sad that both of them are waaaay older than me but I have to act like the mature one out of the situation.

This dead-ass hometown of mine is not going to help me achieve my dreams and goals. So, I don’t plan on doing anything that can jeopardize my chances of getting out of here with my head still screwed on. It’s crunch time & the coach is trying to put me in the game. I’m ready for him so I’m not going to be sitting on the bench joking around with the players who aren’t going to get in the game. I’m already in the game; I just need to make this touchdown.

“You won’t see me cry..”

So, I’m listening to the pre-Chris Rihanna. I hate to admit that I use to actually like her. Now, not so much. It wasn’t so much as her little domestic incident with Chris. It’s just seemed to me she was own her person then. Now, she’s biting FeFe Dobson’s style. It’s sad to see how the mighty have fallen. She’s gone from the top of the world to the bottom of the barrel.

Anyway, I’m kind of confused of my existence here on earth. I can’t even really explain it. I only understand that I have to finish high school, get a college degree, and do something with my life. But what? I have an idea but I’m torn between two of my dreams: do I go with the dream I’ve been chasing for as long as I can remember or the dream of what my parents want? I see that nowadays, it’s not what you LOVE to do, it’s what will make the most money.

Why can’t I do what I love and make a decent amount of money to survive. I’m a junior in high school and I was more sure of myself when I was freshman than I am now. I’ve fell off the face the world, slowly. I’m not friends with the people I was friends with in 9th grade. That’s a good thing; but if you feel like you and your old friends are on two different level in life, you’re automatically “stuck-up”. Even though we both know, I know where I’m going & you’re still not sure.

Not A Good Day

 

Well, today started out as a good day. I had some kind of fun with my cousins. I had to come back to this hellhole once again. I think there’s something wrong with me, mentally. I know that sounds kind of crazy. It’s true. You may not believe it but there’s a few screws loose. I guess it all stemmed from childhood. I have a emotionally dysfunctional family. Which mean/entails that we don’t discuss our problems, feeling, or emotions. We just put on this BIG front like everything’s okay when it’s not. I hate pretending ! It has to stop. I realized that the reason why I’m so depressed is because I wish that I had a better relationship with my mom. I mean we do not get along at all. We’re always butting heads and we never agree on ANYTHING. I mean why can’t my mom teach me how to cook, clean, and why can’t I be able to talk to my mom about how I’m feeling? My friends can do that. I envy them because of it.  I wish I had a different mom altogether. She tries so hard to impress other people that it’s sickening. Me and her are so much alike though. A big difference between us is that I don’t mind voicing my opinion but she does. She can be SO vocal to me, my brother, and my dad but she can’t say it to other people. See me, I can be vocal to them and to other people who live outside my home. That’s why I like the fact that I’m so outspoken. At least that’s something my mother doesn’t have as one of her qualities.